I’m down, but there has to be a conversation first, you know? You can’t just spring that on someone.
I once dated a guy who had a six-inch marijuana plant growing from his damply disgusting bathroom carpet. It wasn’t so much the weed that put me off, it was that he had shag carpeting *in the bathroom.*
No cleaning supplies. No toilet cleaner, dish soap, dish rack, mop, broom, vacuum, dirty dishes in the sink (like a pile that hasn’t been done in a while), no trash bag in the trash can. lots more but can’t think of all of them right now
Once went on a date with a guy. Went back to his studio apartment and there was a “security” camera on the wall that had the bed and whole living area in view. Didn’t know him very well, didn’t fully trust the camera was off. Red flag
Sheets that smell and look dirty.
No soap at the bathroom sink.
Clear evidence that he eats straight out of the pot or pan. Edit- eating out of the pot, ok, efficient. My true objection was that there were always multiple pots with food left lying around his place. Accidentally stepping into a pan of cold pasta is never an experience I want to repeat.
Sink full of dishes growing their own life forms.
Huge gaming computer with trash all around it, literally thrown on the ground and never dealt with.
Soap scum in the shower so thick you can run a nail through it to the tiling.
This is all one guy. I should have noped out faster, but was ignorant of men being decent creatures. Tbf- I was 19.
Edit- spelling. And clarification regarding pots.
He has much more stuff than he can realistically afford to own. And I don’t just mean unmanageable debt. Let’s say he has no debts but he’s consistently vague or dodgy about what he does for a living. “I’m into imports”. FLEE.
I like to follow the advice of one of my favourite quotes:
“We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t f**k them.”
Having worked with social services, if the bathroom lock looks like it’s been replaced several times, leave and don’t go back.
According to this thread I am a f*****g catch. I own multiple forms of soap in different locations. I own a vacuum cleaner. I have 2 pillows on my bed. Nothing grows on my carpet. My toilet paper comes off a roll and not a daily nudes calendar. My kitchen is accessible and not filled with dirty dishes.
Ladies, please form a single file line.
Plates and/or silverware crusted with old food.
Bonus points if they’re plastic.
Extra bonus points if they’re in the bedroom.
Extra extra bonus points if they’re in the sink with the dishwasher empty.
Stayed overnight at a guys house once and brought my toothbrush to brush my teeth in the morning. He had no toothpaste and only mouthwash and used that to brush his teeth. Most bizarre thing I’d ever seen and he had great teeth!
Decorates with beer logos and pics of weed culture.
A person so into their alcohol and drugs that they decorate their apartment with it is just not going to be a quality relationship.
Edit: Okay, clarification of my intent is needed lol. I’m talking about the apt of someone out of college, who has plastered his walls with PBR flattened cases (for soundproofing, man!), has pyramids of beer bottles (because it’s cool, man!). Many posters of Bob Marley with weed, Cheech and Chong with weed, pictures of weed leaf everywhere, has beer logo bath towels, beer logo drinking glasses, has a couch throw that is weed leaf designs, the massive bong, water pipe and 8 lead hookah are the star attraction in the living room. THIS is the type of manchild I am referring to.
One often overlooked thing is *too different from yours*. If it’s too dirty or too clean compared to how you keep yours, get ready to deal with the difference. A messy person will always leave a mess, and a clean one will nag you about yours.
Then there’s in-depth hobbies. It’s not necessarily a bad thing if someone has anime figurines or sexy calendars, but the question always is, do you? If someone likes something enough to have it around and buy associated merchandise, it’s a major hobby. If you can’t enjoy it together, it will stand between you.
No toilet paper. Sick full of dishes. Stank. Crunchy hand towels. BEDSHEETS TACKED UP FOR CURTAINS AND YOUR A*S IS OVER 22.
Not owning a hammer is weird too but that’s all genders and I might be the weirdo there. Unsure.
Note: Not a woman. Can still give advice.
1: Dude clearly has physical space at a premium yet rooms are clearly not put together and he moved in a year ago. Your living space doesn’t need to look like an Ikea show room but there’s a point where it’s obvious you expect someone else to do it for you and you just haven’t gotten around to guilting mommy and daddy into it yet.
2: More than a quarter of your dishes are dirty and either in the sink or stuffed into your dish washer. Dish washers don’t work properly when they’re stuffed to the brim- something you’d know if you ever *used* it- a sink that is full with more than just two or three dirty dishes- I mean, I immediately clean pots and pans either after the meal or depending on it, after I’m done cooking- like you don’t get where they’re coming from.
3: Stank, or interchangeably an incredibly strong air freshener scent. The air freshener thing is an auto-break for me because it actually gives me migraines, but people tend to forget that houses are supposed to be *opened up* during the warmer season. And the only reason your home smells- thus justifying air fresheners- is because you don’t. clean. up. after. yourself. Week old dirty laundry and a trash can that needed to be taken out a week ago will do that.
4: Carpets that needed to be vacuumed / floors that clearly need sweeping. If it’s been a month the answer is always, ‘yes.’ Put some headphones on, it takes 30 minutes to an hour, tops. Your standard issue bachelor pad is *not* that big.
5: Bed sheets, towels, ect, that have man funk or musk or a moldy smell to them. If it’s been two weeks the answer is always, ‘yes, it needs to be washed.’
6: If you got a large preponderance of hobbies, you had better be ready to share one with her. If you are nerd supreme, Magic player, you’d better be dating a fellow enthusiast or have a damn good marketing pitch to give to the laywoman. Because she ain’t interested in you if 9/10ths of your free time is a hobby you refuse to share. There’s nothing *for her* there.
7: Too much of the sexy things. Art work, *cough* toys, apparel, that kind of thing. While it does drift into point 6, this is the kind of thing you’re either up front about- there’s a kind of person you pick up at the dungeon or munches- or the kind of thing you build up to. If you date a professional artist, they do legitimately need reference material sometimes. Especially if they just got asked to do the cover art for an issue of Heavy Metal and the most exposure they’ve had to music is Beethoven. You **can** have these things but have the self awareness to box it up if you’re not dating as mutual enthusiasts. Especially if you’re not trying to explain / show it to them. In some respects this actually works to your favor- there’s no easier way to litmus test a date than to try and explain a hobby or kink to them. If she digs poetry you don’t need to know Charles Baudelaire but you’d better be willing to learn. If you’re dating a goth you may want to dig out your high school Edgar Allen Poe books.
8: Dirty appliances, fixtures, toilets, showers, counters, ect. Again, like you don’t know where it’s coming from. When there’s clearly a urine stain on the back of the toilet seat, urine splatter on the rim of the toilet, the toilet bowl clearly hasn’t been cleaned in 6 months because something is *growing* in it and you got flecks of what looks to be s**t on the underside of the seat from the last time your Chipotle went nuclear, and you didn’t think to clean *any* of this, you clearly don’t want to date someone so much as you want a mom. And you know what? Some people will actually do that. They enjoy the household chores and feeling needed for that. **Some** do.
9: A fridge with more condiments than food. A pantry with more convenience meals like boxed mac and cheese than things like canned crushed tomatoes or beans. A spice rack with black pepper, salt, crushed red pepper and little else. Eating nothing but take out is convenient but it is neither healthy nor thrifty. Cooking for yourself demonstrates a certain level of maturity- god knows you don’t go to fast food because you want to eat something you can’t make yourself- and home cooked meals are the easiest and cheapest of date nights. Plus, the kind of woman who willingly has going out to restaurants as the cornerstone of your dating life is more likely there for the food than you.
A bathroom sink and floor so covered in hair you’re not sure what color the sink is/was.
A bedroom filled with so much s**t it looks like a hoarder house.
No couches. No sitting area. Just a tv and a lawn chair for gaming.
I walked out within 10 minutes and regretted A LOT.
Edit: spelling because typing is hard.
Roommates who don’t ask your name or really even say hi. This usually means he has girls in and out of the apartment and they don’t feel like putting the effort in any longer.
Holes in walls. F**k no.
EDIT: I was talking about holes he punched in anger (or for fun, which is crazy behaviour)
EDIT 2: I’m SO SORRY to all the guys and girls out there with anger management issues that they are working on. I didn’t mean to belittle your situation. I was thinking of the type of person who smashes walls, furniture, windows and people without giving a damn what happens next. I was thinking of legitimate A******S. Anger issues does NOT make you an a*****e by default (I struggle with this sometimes too, though not to the extent that others have mentioned, so I get how it messes up your self-esteem and ideas about what kind of person you are). For all of those people who are struggling with this type of issue and are trying to fix it, you deserve utmost respect. That s**t is HARD. Sorry for the blow to the self-esteem, that’s not fun when you’re already struggling. ):
Using a daily calendar of naked girls as toilet paper.
Edit- the calendar in question looked like this but with naked chicks. http://imgur.com/loe1ayk
During the first date or so, everything is immaculate.
Then the more you know him, the more cluttered it gradually becomes. Trash here and there, kitty croutons not being picked up. No trash bin in the bathroom, no toilet paper on the roll.
Forks and plates strewn *everywhere*.
You’ll wind up being his mother and maid instead of a significant other.
My new neighbor’s house was a mirror of the one I just bought. So he showed it to me. Everything was extremely clean and neat. His clothes were separated by exactly 2″ in his closets, the contents of his cupboards were alphabetized…
Not a ladie but me & gf slept one night on a borrowed aparment of this single guy, while on trip. He has a sort of shrine with some 3d printed statues from 20cm to 1m of himself. I mean, it was kind a small church of him.
I went to a guys (late 20’s) apartment and he had spongebob squarepants sheets and the entire collection of ICarly on dvd. He did not have kids.
Edit: I realize that these things alone could be harmless. These were just the initial red flags though. I stopped talking to him after he showed me a picture of his 13 year old sister that he carried around with him and talked about how “sexy” she was and how he didn’t understand why his mom wouldn’t allow him to come visit her.
A queen size bed with one pillow, no sheets, and a crumbled polyster comforter thrown on top. It just really bothers me when people don’t treat their bed like the fluffy haven it is.
His pet rat free to roam the dining table.
I’m fine with rodents, but not where you make food. The 3 other rats in the freezer, waiting for the fourth and lone survivor to kick it so they could all be cremated together, was a line well crossed however.
Well if there’s NOTHING in the house except a blow up mattress in the living room, I would nope the f**k out and I did.
Not a girl but one thing my grandpa told me was to always have a lidded trashcan in the bathroom. I’m surprised I haven’t seen this on here so far.
Cat s**t smeared around the litter box and ground into the floor. Anything having to do with s**t, p**s, and mold not being cleaned up/taken care of.
It just baffles me, like if this is what you’re willing to show me the first time I ever visit your apartment I can’t imagine what horrors await me when we really get to know each other.
Edit: in addition to this, your cat having constant diarrhea in addition to everything above is a huge red flag that you not only can’t take care of yourself, but you also can’t take care of the one other life that you are in charge of
If there’s plastic over the furniture, that can only mean one of three things:
1. He has extreme OCD
2. He’s repainting
3. You’re about to have your organs harvested
Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue tearouts all over the walls by their twin bed, when they are a 25yr-old adult.
The best advice I’ve ever gotten as a single dude in my first apartment was to keep my bathroom nice, and always have fresh towels. Bitches love fresh towels.
Pee in water bottles.
Walked in. Took a look and walked right the f**k back out.
an existing girlfriend
Edit: I’m not a girl leave me alone
Probably all the KY Jelly bottles that my former guy friend had strewn around his apartment. One in the kitchen, one in the living room, one in the bathroom…. I lost count. That night he confessed he had feelings for me, but I didn’t feel the same way. Things got pretty awkward and I haven’t talked to him since.
Photo frames on the wall that still have the sample photos in them. I think that women’s gym shooter did that.
Edited to add: Thanks for all the replies! In a room full of other things, I can see how it wouldn’t be a bad thing at all, especially if the stock photo happens to be a nice scene. But in an empty place devoid of life (because the owner wants it that way and not because they just moved in and don’t have a budget for decor) and there’s that one sad framed stock photo picture on the wall, that’s so disturbing to me. When the news stories detailed what the gym shooter’s place looked like, I couldn’t help but shudder.
Any odor of garbage. A messy bathroom lacking common hygiene products. Too many “collectibles”
A closet full of empty alcohol bottles presented as an achievement
I once met a girl who had a wedding dress in her apartment, she said she was saving it for a special day.
I left quickly after that.
“Tools! Tools! Duct tape, zip ties and gloves! I have to have my tools!”
“Why do you have a bunch of, like, weird tools in a hidden compartment in your car?””
“It’s fetish- it’s fetish s**t! I-I-I like to bind, I like to be bound!”
Wasn’t an apartment,he was still living at home and at 23+ but this was what made it wierd.
A bunk bed
Edit: Just to clarify I didn’t care he still lived at home the issue was the bunk bed – for quote “incase if my brother or I have friends round” he was 23 and his brother was around 25-30 no friends were going to be staying round. It’s also not that they could his family piled “collectibles” aka c**p on top.
EDIT no.2: the red flag is the bunk bed
If he ain’t 10 he don’t need a bunk bed
The Communist Manifesto.
Edit: I’m not making a political statement. Communism. Red flags.
Actual things I’ve observed in homes of single men:
– *Star Trek* shrine (2 instances, 1 of which also featured uniforms)
– lawn chairs and inflatable furniture in the living room of a guy who drove a Mitsubishi 3000GT (this was in the late ’90s, so it was a current car)
– a separate bedroom for the pet snakes (the 7′ boa was nice, but when there is also a 7′ yellow anaconda that requires PPE to be handled…)
– his “apartment” is actually his mom’s garage
– *everything* had NASCAR logos on it